What I've Learned From My First Year as a Mom

Recently was my 1 year momiversary. 

There has been so much that I have learned in the past year. There is so much that I've learned about myself and life. 

Here are just a few things. 

Go With the Flow

This all started the day I gave birth. I, like most people, I went in having a plan. Well, I guess God and the universe didn't like my plan. I tend to be very Type A about things. I've had to learn to give a little...sometimes give a lot...even when it comes to my child. 

Another example of this is her birthday party. Overall, the party was perfect. She had fun, my family came to my home for the first time, and she got cake! If you ask my sister and husband, they would be able to tell you that I was freaking out...and pretty much on the verge of an anxiety attack the whole night before and that morning. Nearing the time for the party to start, I had to just breathe and go, "okay, it's done." 

Trust Your Body, It Is Perfect!

Ooooh this is a big one! Society has taught us over the years to not trust out bodies. Our bodies are never good enough. This has spilled over into pregnancy and postpartum. What do I mean? Well, we're expected to "bounce back" after pregnancy, never mind the fact that we just grew a human in out wombs! But, if we don't bounce back or better yet look better than we did before we got pregnant, we are terrible excuses for women. Now this has gotten a lot better over the years, but it's still a thing. 

This also goes with breastfeeding...oh, don't get me started on that one. We are taught that out bodies are not good enough to produce what out children need. Newsflash...WE MAKE MILK FOR A REASON. Our bodies don't just go, "I think I'm going to lactate for the hell of it today." Maybe I'll do some research and do a deep dive in the history of breastfeeding, but for now, just be satisfied with some people literally think that your body doesn't produce adequate milk for your baby. 

When I found out I was pregnant, there wasn't a lot that I was adamant about, but breastfeeding was one of them. However, when Lorelei was born, she was 5 lb and 15 oz. By her checkup five days after birth, she had gotten down to 5 lbs 3 oz. Now, it is perfectly normal for a baby lose weight, but it worried me that she was so small. She had jaundice, but it wasn't to the point that she had to be put under the UV light. I did have to supplement two bottles with formula until I got enough pumped out after her feeding to feed her an oz. I felt like a complete failure, but I wasn't. After we got her back to her birth weight, I was able to quit pumping after feedings and supplementing with that. She went up 3 lbs in her first two months and is now almost 20 lbs. I know that I still tiny, but it wasn't because of the lack of nutrients coming from me, it's just purely genetics. 

This whole process has really taught me to trust my body. It was made to be work perfectly. And that is what it is going to do. 

Give Yourself Some Grace, Mama

This was the best advice that I received as a new mom...and it's something that I quickly learn had to happen. I wanted to bust out of the hospital being a supermom and taking on the world...I was definitely over compensating for my childhood...When that didn't happen, I instantly felt like a failure. I remember texting a friend crying my eyes out about having to supplement. my body felt weird, and no one else understood what I was going through (no one else in my family had breastfed). This friend had been through some of the same things...like many other people...but that's what she texted me back, "give yourself some grace, mama." 

I had to learn not to be so hard on myself. That it didn't have to be perfect. That as long as Lorelei's needs were fully met, it was okay.

Patience

My God, patience. Patience is necessary. It might go without saying, but this is the one thing that I was the most nervous about...keeping my cool. 

In your first days as a parent, you quickly find out how much you're going to need that patience. You're sleep deprived, scared, confused, hormonal as fuck, self-conscious, and overall just vulnerable. 

There are times where the baby is having a complete melt down and there is literally nothing that you can do to help it. That sound is gut wrenching and you will want to scream...hell, you might scream...but just step back, it's going to be okay. 

You catch on much more quickly than you expect to, but until then, just breathe.

Confidence

Remember that whole self-consciousness thing I mentioned earlier? I feel like you start building confidence after you feel like you're torn all the way down. Becoming a parent isn't you being torn all the way down, but there are times that you feel like it. It's in those times of being scared and trying to figure things out, you get built up. You start to see that things do come naturally and that you're going to make good decisions. 

There are times that I still fell so unconfident with being a mom...I don't think that will ever go away...but I am starting to feel more confident. 

Love

You think that you know what love is, but you just don't. It's the strangest feeling. You birth this child, however that may happen, and all of the sudden, there is a while filled that you didn't even realize was there. This isn't saying that people who don't have children don't feel complete or that they don't know what real love it, it's just different...It's a very different love. 

Like I've stated, these are only a few things. I have so much more to learn about her, about myself, and about my new life as a mom....and I can't wait for the ride.