So...I started this blog because, truth be told, I love to write. I love to babble on and on about whatever is on my ever lovin' mind and not be interrupted...and my dears, as much as you may try, you cannot interrupt the person who wrote what you are reading. So as many people already know, my ex and I just broke up...okay that sounds a little strange...my boyfriend, Phillip, and I just broke up. Okay, this just being about 1 week and five days ago. Surprisingly enough, if you need the exact time I can probably give you that too as my friend was waiting on me outside to go downtown while this was going down. Now I am not telling you this to be make him sound like an ass...because he wasn't really being one....it was a really strange breakup. Just the back story I guess. Why did we break up you ask? Hummnm...it seems that were where growing apart. 'Tis true I suppose. So I went downtown and got drunk like planned...the rest is history I suppose.
So where am I now??? Well, I'm back in Clemson at my friend Nicole's apartment. She's letting me stay here so I can work tomorrow and so I don't have to drive all the way home at 12 AM. So I'm sitting here eating a pizza lunchable (I'm pretty sure a Crunch Bar used to be in this thing), Ben & Jerry's Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough ice cream, and Tisdale red wine (courtesy of Erica). So I went to see my dogs today and that was pretty good...I guess and then I went to Erica's to hang out for a bit and she had the wine and a card waiting for me to cheer me up :). For some reason that wine was very hard to get into. We wound up stabbing it with a steak knife and twisting it up. It worked and now I get to enjoy my gift! YAY! You're probably wondering why you're still reading this considering I'm babbling on like Elle Woods in legally blond when she was trying to prove that the old man's murderer was his daughter and not his wife. Well keep reading, I promise there is a point.
I've been having a lot to think about lately. For the past week and a half I've been having to think about where I'm going to live next year for school, how all of my shit will fit into a studio apartment that is smaller than my room in Mema's trailer, where I'm going to work, and just what the fuck (sorry Oprah if you read this) I'm going to do with my life. I realize that Mr. Crazy Old Man predicts that the world will end at 6 PM one the 21st, but as of right now these are all legit things. So as I sit here and somewhat self medicate myself with my bottle of wine and eat the cookie dough chunks out of good ol' Ben & Jerry, I've kind of come to somewhat of a revelation that I wanted to share with the world. I've kind of known this all along, but sometimes you have to reassure yourself that you know what the hell you're doing...even though after I type this and long after I have passed out in the bed, I'm sure I'll still go WTF mate, what the hell am I doing.
A lot of people I know have heard my back story, and I know that some people haven't heard it. All I can say is that I feel like I was an amazing preteen, and even though most people I know want to go back and change that part of their live, I would not change it for the world...and mine actually did suck beyond that awkward stage that all preteens go through. I mean I was a strong 12 year old and I always had a plan for everything. I'm not going to go into a lot of detail here, my closest friends know what went down and if you want to know, I'll tell you, I'm just not going to go into everything in a blog entry...But I've been told that I had amazing strength when I was that age. I didn't think I did and I never thought about it really, I just assumed that how I reacted was how everyone would react...apparently I was wrong. So, again without going into too much detail, I lived with my aunt and uncle from 14 to 18 (at 18 I was back and forth from the house to school). Well, then I dated this guy who cheated one me...no to name any names or anything but yeah...he cheated on me...but I got through that too. I may have handled that one like a normal 20 year old would, but either way, I lived.
So my revelation, if you will, is that if I could get through my childhood and someone cheating one me, I can get through this. There have been tears shed from my big brown eyes over the past 1.7 weeks, but you know, I have been through things that should have traumatized me a lot worse. Now, I realize that a big problem is that I cannot make a definite plan yet, and I am not as in control of the situation as I would like to be, but I will be. It may take 3 months and a trip to Peru, but hey I think I'll figure it out. I always have figured it out, right?
The thing is, we always figure out what's best for us. We may have to sit there and cry a little, or a lot, or make plans while downing a whole bottle of wine, but hey whatever works. The right plan always comes to us when we least expect it. Mine came to me when I had my head buried in a vampire romance novel (The Black Dagger Brotherhood...highly recommended). Now that I have a small idea of what I think I'm going to do with the next few months, I think that I am okay. Some of it will suck, but I'm going to keep my head up and, hopefully, my eyes dry. I've kind of been keeping a journal lately, and that's been helping. I also turn on Alanis and sing to the top of my lungs...hummmm maybe I need karaoke. I also think I need to just dance...but that, my loves, is a totally different story! So I guess enough of reassuring myself that I got this. I leave you...per usual...with a video. The video isn't awesome or anything, but the song is and it has helped me get through the past 1.7 weeks.
So where am I now??? Well, I'm back in Clemson at my friend Nicole's apartment. She's letting me stay here so I can work tomorrow and so I don't have to drive all the way home at 12 AM. So I'm sitting here eating a pizza lunchable (I'm pretty sure a Crunch Bar used to be in this thing), Ben & Jerry's Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough ice cream, and Tisdale red wine (courtesy of Erica). So I went to see my dogs today and that was pretty good...I guess and then I went to Erica's to hang out for a bit and she had the wine and a card waiting for me to cheer me up :). For some reason that wine was very hard to get into. We wound up stabbing it with a steak knife and twisting it up. It worked and now I get to enjoy my gift! YAY! You're probably wondering why you're still reading this considering I'm babbling on like Elle Woods in legally blond when she was trying to prove that the old man's murderer was his daughter and not his wife. Well keep reading, I promise there is a point.
I've been having a lot to think about lately. For the past week and a half I've been having to think about where I'm going to live next year for school, how all of my shit will fit into a studio apartment that is smaller than my room in Mema's trailer, where I'm going to work, and just what the fuck (sorry Oprah if you read this) I'm going to do with my life. I realize that Mr. Crazy Old Man predicts that the world will end at 6 PM one the 21st, but as of right now these are all legit things. So as I sit here and somewhat self medicate myself with my bottle of wine and eat the cookie dough chunks out of good ol' Ben & Jerry, I've kind of come to somewhat of a revelation that I wanted to share with the world. I've kind of known this all along, but sometimes you have to reassure yourself that you know what the hell you're doing...even though after I type this and long after I have passed out in the bed, I'm sure I'll still go WTF mate, what the hell am I doing.
A lot of people I know have heard my back story, and I know that some people haven't heard it. All I can say is that I feel like I was an amazing preteen, and even though most people I know want to go back and change that part of their live, I would not change it for the world...and mine actually did suck beyond that awkward stage that all preteens go through. I mean I was a strong 12 year old and I always had a plan for everything. I'm not going to go into a lot of detail here, my closest friends know what went down and if you want to know, I'll tell you, I'm just not going to go into everything in a blog entry...But I've been told that I had amazing strength when I was that age. I didn't think I did and I never thought about it really, I just assumed that how I reacted was how everyone would react...apparently I was wrong. So, again without going into too much detail, I lived with my aunt and uncle from 14 to 18 (at 18 I was back and forth from the house to school). Well, then I dated this guy who cheated one me...no to name any names or anything but yeah...he cheated on me...but I got through that too. I may have handled that one like a normal 20 year old would, but either way, I lived.
So my revelation, if you will, is that if I could get through my childhood and someone cheating one me, I can get through this. There have been tears shed from my big brown eyes over the past 1.7 weeks, but you know, I have been through things that should have traumatized me a lot worse. Now, I realize that a big problem is that I cannot make a definite plan yet, and I am not as in control of the situation as I would like to be, but I will be. It may take 3 months and a trip to Peru, but hey I think I'll figure it out. I always have figured it out, right?
The thing is, we always figure out what's best for us. We may have to sit there and cry a little, or a lot, or make plans while downing a whole bottle of wine, but hey whatever works. The right plan always comes to us when we least expect it. Mine came to me when I had my head buried in a vampire romance novel (The Black Dagger Brotherhood...highly recommended). Now that I have a small idea of what I think I'm going to do with the next few months, I think that I am okay. Some of it will suck, but I'm going to keep my head up and, hopefully, my eyes dry. I've kind of been keeping a journal lately, and that's been helping. I also turn on Alanis and sing to the top of my lungs...hummmm maybe I need karaoke. I also think I need to just dance...but that, my loves, is a totally different story! So I guess enough of reassuring myself that I got this. I leave you...per usual...with a video. The video isn't awesome or anything, but the song is and it has helped me get through the past 1.7 weeks.
I finally did read your blogs and thanks for the shout-out! I hope your summer gets better and your sisterwife is always here for you!!!!
ReplyDeletegirl u do sound a little like elle woods lol but i still love you :) also jane bingum comes to mind (drop dead diva) i love that show! yes you are strong and don't forget it...so if you decide on singing karaoke then sing this http://youtu.be/xJzQ8SaL3c8
ReplyDeletelove u!!